Schedule for January and February

Final script

Radio play checklist

'Twists and turns' in the plot	Needs some work
Character development
Comedic moments
Tension
Plot
Subplot	Needs some work
Natural dialogue	Needs some work
Suitable for the target audience
Characterisation
Good beginning	Needs some work

Script evaluation: Subplots

I am currently working on improving my script line-by-line (My second draft can be viewed here).

One thing I feel my script is currently lacking in is a 'subplot'. A subplot is an additional storyline that goes alongside the main plot.

I think a subplot could be included where the Prime Minister's assistant's phone keeps going off, receiving updates about what members of the cabinet are doing by text. This would also make my radio play more realistic because the Prime Minister would still have to deal with problems back at Westminster whilst on tour.

Creating the theme tune

Thoughts on 2nd draft script

The 2nd draft of my script can be read here. Here are some thoughts on how it could be improved:

• Look at how lines 14 and 16 can be improved to make them more natural
• Correct where Nurse Collins says 'It's a standard procedure' to 'It's standard procedure'
• Perhaps cut Celia (instead could only referred to by Nurse Collins) and the viewer?
• Stronger beginning
• More unexpected moments
• Show Morris Lloyd-Jones being egged in the news report
• Change or remove where Hugh Roberts says 'I wonder if the egg was hard boiled or not'
• Line 14: '...is 20 points ahead', 'What are we going to do?', 'I have a plan', 'What is it?
• Delete: 'I’d suggest the Australian jungle but that’s already been done'
• Where Nurse Collins says 'The PM wins!', change to 'The Prime Minister wins!'
• Line 43: Change to 'What are you looking at?'.
• Re-write lines 44, 45 and 46
• Add Daniel Young stuttering into the dialogue
• Add direction to line 53
• Daniel Young should have a briefcase rather than a backpack
• Line 57: Move 'I'm the grime minister' to when crowd is applauding
• Re-write beginning of scene 6
• Line 64: 'Back to you in the studio' - too cheesy?
• Line 65: Work 'Prime Morrister' into the script better
• Line 67: Change to 'That's it. I’m calling an election. Someone Get Her Majesty on the phone.'