Thoughts on 2nd draft script

The 2nd draft of my script can be read here. Here are some thoughts on how it could be improved:

• Look at how lines 14 and 16 can be improved to make them more natural
• Correct where Nurse Collins says 'It's a standard procedure' to 'It's standard procedure'
• Perhaps cut Celia (instead could only referred to by Nurse Collins) and the viewer?
• Stronger beginning
• More unexpected moments
• Show Morris Lloyd-Jones being egged in the news report
• Change or remove where Hugh Roberts says 'I wonder if the egg was hard boiled or not'
• Line 14: '...is 20 points ahead', 'What are we going to do?', 'I have a plan', 'What is it?
• Delete: 'I’d suggest the Australian jungle but that’s already been done'
• Where Nurse Collins says 'The PM wins!', change to 'The Prime Minister wins!'
• Line 43: Change to 'What are you looking at?'.
• Re-write lines 44, 45 and 46
• Add Daniel Young stuttering into the dialogue
• Add direction to line 53
• Daniel Young should have a briefcase rather than a backpack
• Line 57: Move 'I'm the grime minister' to when crowd is applauding
• Re-write beginning of scene 6
• Line 64: 'Back to you in the studio' - too cheesy?
• Line 65: Work 'Prime Morrister' into the script better
• Line 67: Change to 'That's it. I’m calling an election. Someone Get Her Majesty on the phone.'